We successfully fended off Yavne and punched our ticket to the best of 5 championship series. I was a little worried before the game because I saw that this man was in attendance.
Does he not look like a movie villain? I consider this guy to be my Israeli arch nemesis. 2 years ago he was on the team that swept me out of the final four, last year he was on the team that handed me my only 2nd Division loss, and this year he was on the only team in the league to sweep us. Nothing good has ever come from being in the same gym as the one and only Guy Cohen.
The crazy thing is that he is not a very good basketball player! He is a shooting big man who probably averages 7 points for his career. He just sort of lurks around the perimeter and fouls a lot on defense. But, something switches on in his brain when he plays me. He performs like I murdered his father in a past life and he must exact revenge. He nails threes, soars for dunks, dives for steals and pounds his chest ecstatically. I always end the game thinking, “god damn, that guy must be the best Israeli in the league!” Then I check the next 4 box scores and he will have produced as many turnovers as points.
Thus, I was a little worried when I saw him take his seat, front and center. His evil, anti-Housman aura cast a pall over the whole arena. I tried to ignore it as I went through warm ups, but some horrible scenarios were playing out in my head.
His menacing glare had the intended effect for the first 20 minutes. I played poorly and the team went into the locker room down 3. Somehow, despite this terrible omen, we were able to gather ourselves and start the 3rd on a huge run. I played much better and the team pushed out to a ten point lead that was never really threatened for the rest of the game.
Now we await the results of a game on Friday to see who we play in the finals. I don’t want to jinx anything, but I am confident if we are healthy, and the other team doesn’t find a loophole that allows them to sign Guy Cohen, we will win it all.
To conclude, here is some footage of me being easily entertained. Cleaning your water bottle doesn’t have to be boring! Enjoy the E-40, but don’t be alarmed by the terrifying scum that has formed around that one burner. I like it there because sometimes when I am boiling something water will drip over the pot and fall on the scum, which somehow must bounce scum flakes into the fire, which causes a few seconds of awesome sounds and wild, colorful flames.